Day 123

“How do I dream of spending my leisure while at work?

“How can I make that fantasy happen in the immediate moment?”

I’m thinking about this question now, as I have a day off.  When I’m working, I always have this fantasy of how I will productively and valiantly charge into my intellectual pursuits.

Some days it happens that way, but rarely.  This is an error in my thinking,  reverse procrastination.  I imagine who I am in the future to be someone else.  Someone with infinite focus and no desire to waste time on the internet or succumb to immediate gratification.

This isn’t necessarily about do-to lists, as those are rarely fulfilling and usually just lead to more to do lists.  Getting things “out of the way” rather than experiencing them.  They have their uses, but not through itemizing passions.

A gentle approach is needed; with clarity.  I must see through the inherent difficulty of beginning a task, realize that I am constantly pulled to the easiest and ‘safest’ route of spending my time.  To be satisfied with a day off is to treat it like a job.  Like an obligation you made when you were earning money.



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