Wow, one hundred days! What a thrill. I cannot believe I’ve remained so comitted. I have a lot of people to thank. Chiefly Brandy and her husband Jason, the two other Dueling Amateurs (are we still amateurs?). Somehow Jason has a motivating effect on me. Call it competitiveness or contemplation, but I always walk away from a conversation with him feeling envigored, or at least with a bone to pick.
Today marked another momentous fulcrum of my life development. I have now, officially, finally, begun my paid career as a teacher. This marks the culmination of roughly a decade of university schooling, learning, workshops, additional qualifications, volunteering, networking, and head-hunting. I finally utilized the expertise I paid top dollar for to bank some dollar of my own. Materialism aside, this is huge.
It was time I finally got off my Spiritual ass and began to utilize some of the psychological techniques I have learned, and have been taught. This was the perfect opportunity. When I got the call last night, it felt like I was in a dream. I could feel an immense change inside of me. A burden. I became moody and disconnected, in dread of the unknown to come. Everything irritated me and I could feel the unknown darkness of new responsibilities lurking like a spectre. I knew this was not the way to charge into my shiny new career, and my mood was entirely contrary to everyone’s congratulatory tone.
I decided to become happy.
That night I sat on the floor and meditatively listened to Matt Uelmen’s landscape theme from Azuremist Isle. (Props to Matt Uelmen. You are literally the J.S. Bach of our generation)
I began to visualize myself having the best day ever, using all of my senses. Over and over I traced the exact route through the day I would take, both without and within. Parking, secretary, classroom, daybook, students, lessons, break, lunch. Again and again I vividly pictured me effortlessly handling every issue, overcoming, being challenged and victoriously conquering the day. Completing my duties with joy and elation. I began to change the way I was thinking to myself, talking to myself, and feeling to myself. I went directly to bed.
That morning, I woke up at 5 am and immediately went to my shower stall. I gripped the cold water tap, and wrenched it to the right, listening with grim trepidation to the icicle hiss of what awaited me.
I stepped inside. This is what dying feels like.
I knew that, no matter what would hit me that day, it would be nothing, NOTHING compared to the torrent of glacial daggers that blasted into my face, crawled down my back in frozen rivulets, and chilled my crown jewels to absolute zero. There was no mercy, no warm reprieve. My fingers numbed into claws washing my hair. Every ounce of willpower calmed my breath from ragged gasps. I bent over with the showerhead behind me in an act that would make a Inquisitioner grimace. I stepped out feeling like I had dozed off in a bonfire.
After I meditated, I spent my morning hour watching a Tony Robbins video. I had found it on a whim, and I could not have been more enthusiastically apt.
No coffee, but I was more than excited. I was pacing the room for 60 full minutes. Let me at em! I’m the man! I GOT THIS OH YEAAAH. This bravado might seem overdrive to some, but I was diligently melting the scary edifice of the unknown into curiosity, excitement, and adventure. My commute was without music or radio, I filled the cab of the car with my own affirmations. I LOVE MY LIFE I LOVE MY LIFE I LOVE MY LIFE I LOVE MY LIFE.
I won’t go into details of my first day, other than to say it was a blast! Truly, I had fun. Was it stressful? Yeah. Were there moment of confusion? Of course. But I speak absolute truth when I say there were moments on my first day at work where I was giddy, literally giddy, at the prospect of heading to the next class. It was unreal. I thought it and I felt it. I visualized it, and I became what I imagined. The power of the mind and the heart is a resource and a power to be cherished, truly. And you know what? The kids loved me! They asked if I could be their teacher tomorrow! They wanted me every day! I wanted to cry a little, it felt so validating and sweet.
Ending a day like this fills me with satisfaction and eagerness to improve my life and grow my Soul. I aim to become truly bilingual, to become physically stronger and leaner, more pious, to cultivate a worthwile relationship with another person. To learn an instrument, save more money, and generally live life at the top of my game.
I’ll see you on the other side of the sun.