This morning I did something that required struggle and Will. Something that went against the grain of my habituated lifestyle.
This came as a response to a talk I gave to myself driving home last night. Spring air blasted through the open window amidst quiet jazz as I actively mentated.
“I need to change, in order to meet Life. Life is asking me to change politely, and If I do not change today, Life will begin demanding it in a way which will be needlessly painful. Today’s Enlightenment is tomorrow’s Mistake.”
I spend my mornings getting ready for work by myself. The house is empty and the temptation to distract myself and goof off is huge. Usually, i will open a few tabs and start streaming videos off of youtube. This is less of something I am watching, rather it acts as white noise. I like hearing myriad voices of laughter or commentary while I prepare. But until recently, I didn’t realize just how much of a timesink this really was. I am continually chained to my bedroom, fiddling with videos and idly watching them. Hours pass like this.
So this morning, I did something entirely different. I got ready in complete silence. Shower, shave, lanudry, exercise, cook. No radio, no internet, no television. Initially, I thought what I would be afraid of is feeling lonely, or cut off from the world. But in fact, I was able to do things much more efficiently and find ways to cleverly innovate.
I got more used to shaving with a safety razor. I remembered to buy a new suit protector at the dollar store. I ended up spending 2 hours in the kitchen cleaning and cooking food for the next 3 days. Time which would have been either wasted or slowed down through non-productive noise which, although comforting, was taxing my cognitive load.
I recall another thing I spoke to myself about:
“I need to give up the immediate gratification in the long run, for things that are really gratifying. I know I like doing these things, but do I really want to look back and say to myself ‘well, I wanted to achieve all these things but I spend most of my time watching internet videos?’ I don’t think so!”