Day 71

This morning I did something that required struggle and Will.  Something that went against the grain of my habituated lifestyle.

This came as a response to a talk I gave to myself driving home last night.  Spring air blasted through the open window amidst quiet jazz as I actively mentated.

“I need to change, in order to meet Life.  Life is asking me to change politely, and If I do not change today, Life will begin demanding it in a way which will be needlessly painful.  Today’s Enlightenment is tomorrow’s Mistake.”

I spend my mornings getting ready for work by myself.  The house is empty and the temptation to distract myself and goof off is huge.  Usually, i will open a few tabs and start streaming videos off of youtube.  This is less of something I am watching, rather it acts as white noise.  I like hearing myriad voices of laughter or commentary while I prepare.  But until recently, I didn’t realize just how much of a timesink this really was.  I am continually chained to my bedroom, fiddling with videos and idly watching them.  Hours pass like this.

So this morning, I did something entirely different.  I got ready in complete silence.  Shower, shave, lanudry, exercise, cook.  No radio, no internet, no television.  Initially, I thought what I would be afraid of is feeling lonely, or cut off from the world.  But in fact, I was able to do things much more efficiently and find ways to cleverly innovate.

I got more used to shaving with a safety razor.  I remembered to buy a new suit protector at the dollar store.  I ended up spending 2 hours in the kitchen cleaning and cooking food for the next 3 days.  Time which would have been either wasted or slowed down through non-productive noise which, although comforting, was taxing my cognitive load.

I recall another thing I spoke to myself about:

I need to give up the immediate gratification in the long run, for things that are really gratifying.  I know I like doing these things, but do I really want to look back and say to myself ‘well, I wanted to achieve all these things but I spend most of my time watching internet videos?’ I don’t think so!”

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