Dear: Dell 720 Home/Office Photo printer.
For eight years, you have served me diligently. I remember the day I met you. So new and fresh, nestled in a bundle of packing peanuts. Who knew our relationship would have lasted this long. Who knew what printing adventures were in store for us!
I cannot thank you enough for tolerating the abuse I’ve put you though all these years. Even when you were caked in dust and grit, working on mere inkdrops, you never complained or stalled. Some times, I went whole years without cleaning you. Although your color print function broke down in 2010, I don’t blame you. I was always more interested in words than pictures, and you were suited perfectly to my needs.
You cheerfully submitted to the intensities of my university essay output. Draft after draft flowed from your chassis without so much as a whimper. In trying times, last-night assignments and eleventh-hour cramming, all my trust and success rested on your proper function, and not once did you let me down.
When I hear of other printers; finicky, uncooperative, breaking down on a whim and seeming to function only under bizarre rituals of hope and desperation, I look to you and see my trusty workhorse, a noble knight clad in faded grey plastic.
By now you must have printed more than a million of my heartfelt words. Essays, resumes, resignations and journal pages. You were there with me for all my highs and lows, reflecting and communicating my life’s journey for nearly a decade.
Sure, when your feeding tray broke I had to individually feed you paper sheet by sheet, but I never thought of you as an invalid. I was happy to see you working fine in spite of your injury, and even though the tray is now superglued into an upright position, I’m sure you don’t mind. If you were a person, and not just an anthropomorphized thought-form conceived in my imagination, I would marry you.
Some people go for those big fancy, multiple collating, hole-punching behemoths, but not me. You are quiet and compatible. You are quick and adaptable. Practical and powerful. My perfect printer.