– 1 large package of lean ground beef (go kosher/halal/something that isn’t fresh on the outside but brown on the inside) – 1 small onion – 1 celery stalk – ½ Green pepper & ½ Red Pepper – bay leaf – 2 cloves garlic – 1 cup of black coffee – 1 bottle non-American ketchup (or barbeque sauce) – real butter – breadcrumbs – 2 eggs – soy sauce – Sriracha or Tabasco
– 1 large frying pan – 1 wooden spoon – 1 large metal bowl – 1 small glass bowl – 1 rectangular glass, deep baking dish – turkey baster – knife, fork, pie lifter, big spoon – cutting board
Heat your pan on medium low and throw in a big pad of butter. Finely mince all your vegetables, and add the onion and garlic to the heated butter. After a few minutes, add the celery, peppers and 5 whole bay leaves, occasionally mixing with a wooden spoon. After about 10-15 minutes of cooking the mixture, add a large squirt of ketchup, sriracha, and soy sauce. Cook for 3-5 more minutes, then set aside to cool.
Preheat the oven to 350c. Drink some coffee.
Crack both eggs into the small metal bowl and whisk lightly with a fork. In your big metal bowl, add the ground beef, and pour in almost all of the whisked eggs, leaving about a table spoon’s worth in the small glass bowl for later. Mix vigorously with your left hand. Begin to add small amounts of breadcrumbs with your right hand until the ground beef becomes a loose mass.
Return to your pan of simmered vegetables. Carefully pick out the bay leaves, and pour the pan into the beef, eggs and breadcrumbs. Begin to knead the vegetable mixture into the meat, adding breadcrumbs if it’s too soggy. If you can mush all the meat into an orb and hold it upright with one hand, it’s perfect.
Take your ungreased glass baking dish and gently press the meat-mixture in, making sure to fill in the corners and remove large air bubbles. With a fork, poke a row of wholes into the top of the loaf. Take the remaining whisked eggs from your small bowl and gently rub into the top of the loaf. Finish with a light dusting of breadcrumbs. Drink some more coffee.
Bake at 250c. After 1 hour, take out the meatloaf and use the turkey baster to drain off some of the excess grease that has accumulated. Cook for 30 more minutes.
Finish off your coffee.
Make sure to check if it is fully cooked before removing from the oven by cutting open a middle portion and checking for pink. Use a large spoon and a pie lifter to get the cooked loaf onto a cutting board and let it rest for about 10 minutes. Slice and serve!